found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
