i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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