Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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