Too much gin, very little bucket
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
