Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
