i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
pray to the hookup gods
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
