Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
