He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
