Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
