he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
