the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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