I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
