When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I would ride that face into the sunset
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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