I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
