i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
