How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
