Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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