Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
