so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
