This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
