Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I checked into jail on foursquare
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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