were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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