I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
