you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
