im about as happy as oj after his trial
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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