The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
