he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
