i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
