The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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