My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
