are you still at the devil's house?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All the doctor said was why
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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