Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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