omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm too high and old for this...
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