Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
