dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
