Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
