i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
