Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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