I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
