I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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