Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
