T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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