i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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