I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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