My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
