you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
