I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Boobs speak an international language.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
