the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
