I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
