I can tuck mytits in my pants
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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