Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
