That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
