): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
