He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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