I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Be still, my beating vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
