Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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