knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
