Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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